I have left her sleeping and have snuck off to the office to write this.
I'm not going to work today (even though I'm buried).
My plan is to give her no time to think about anything except happy things!
The way I have this figured out, you can only be as happy as the person you are in love with, so, since I like to be happy, it's a no brainer!
Kathy must be happy!
No, I don't mean she already is, I mean, Kathy MUST be happy!
As in, it's my goal.
Hopefully my staying home helps (and doesn't have the opposite effect).
I know MY days are better when she is with ME.
Kathy is getting stronger (as everyone at Kristi's wedding saw), but she usually pays for pushing it later.
The news will be consistently better as time allows healing.
You have no idea how badly I want Kathy to be able to look a few months down the road instead of at the immediate path she has to take!
For now, I want to trade the unquiet complications and stress inside Kathy for a beautiful content inner life full of patience and richness.
Though I think that will have to wait for the ability to walk to return, and the uncompromising pain to leave.
It hasn't yet, but Today is still Kathy's birthday!
I'm introducing her to L. Frank Baum in an unusual way! Don't worry, I'm doing something normal too.
I'll find time to write more soon, but right now I'm going to sneak back in before she knows I'm gone.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
the secret to our success
Get a demented cat.
Kathy has one.
It's the most fun and frustration you can mix in one cat!
Don't expect anything from anybody. You will never be disappointed that way.
If you ask for a favor and the answer is yes, appreciate it! If the answer is no, don't get mad, it wasn't expected, it was a favor!
Seriously, don't be so serious!
I'm kidding about this!
Well, not the demented cat part, or the part about expectations...
Actually, the secret is to learn something new about each other every day.
If you can't find out something new, then dig deep about yourself and keep the day from being wasted!
Today I told Kathy about sword fighting by Bear Creek with bamboo switches. When I was a young boy I lived in Phoenix (Oregon). It would leave welts and bloody your hands sometimes, but if you won, you could skinny dip with the older girls! We had epic battles!
You know, on second thought, maybe there is something about being mysterious after all.
Okay, new tactic, Discover something new TOGETHER every day!
Time to go.
Right now I have something new to discover with Kathy!
Kathy has one.
It's the most fun and frustration you can mix in one cat!
Don't expect anything from anybody. You will never be disappointed that way.
If you ask for a favor and the answer is yes, appreciate it! If the answer is no, don't get mad, it wasn't expected, it was a favor!
Seriously, don't be so serious!
I'm kidding about this!
Well, not the demented cat part, or the part about expectations...
Actually, the secret is to learn something new about each other every day.
If you can't find out something new, then dig deep about yourself and keep the day from being wasted!
Today I told Kathy about sword fighting by Bear Creek with bamboo switches. When I was a young boy I lived in Phoenix (Oregon). It would leave welts and bloody your hands sometimes, but if you won, you could skinny dip with the older girls! We had epic battles!
You know, on second thought, maybe there is something about being mysterious after all.
Okay, new tactic, Discover something new TOGETHER every day!
Time to go.
Right now I have something new to discover with Kathy!
Monday, January 2, 2012
beyond being prepared
Was it Underdog or Mighty Mouse who said,
"HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!!" ?
I'm not sure if it was either one of them actually.
Never been one to wait to be rescued by someone else anyways.
I like to think that if rescuing needs doing, I will be the one doing the rescuing.
Then again, I also like to think that I'll never step in chewing gum again.
What we will do in a situation is a mystery until we are in it.
We all THINK we know what we'll do.
I bring this up because the moment of Kathy's crash was as sickening a moment as I can imagine.
The slow motion of the actions following were even worse.
To revisit, now that Kathy is on her way to recovering the ability to use her right foot (and hopefully eventually her left leg as well), I think of what I could've done differently.
Raising my boys, I could fix anything, holding Kathy on the side of that road, I could fix nothing.
Even now, looking back, I don't know what else could've been done, short of deciding to skip that ride completely.
I have concluded that there are times when things happen too fast or are too severe for rescue without consequences.
Hope you never have to find out the limits of your ability to fix things.
After the fact, some situations are just not possible to put back in order.
Even for Underdog or Mighty Mouse.
"HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!!" ?
I'm not sure if it was either one of them actually.
Never been one to wait to be rescued by someone else anyways.
I like to think that if rescuing needs doing, I will be the one doing the rescuing.
Then again, I also like to think that I'll never step in chewing gum again.
What we will do in a situation is a mystery until we are in it.
We all THINK we know what we'll do.
I bring this up because the moment of Kathy's crash was as sickening a moment as I can imagine.
The slow motion of the actions following were even worse.
To revisit, now that Kathy is on her way to recovering the ability to use her right foot (and hopefully eventually her left leg as well), I think of what I could've done differently.
Raising my boys, I could fix anything, holding Kathy on the side of that road, I could fix nothing.
Even now, looking back, I don't know what else could've been done, short of deciding to skip that ride completely.
I have concluded that there are times when things happen too fast or are too severe for rescue without consequences.
Hope you never have to find out the limits of your ability to fix things.
After the fact, some situations are just not possible to put back in order.
Even for Underdog or Mighty Mouse.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
It's the end of the world as we know it
2012
In this new year I hope to find the days to be less short.
It seems the days are always too short for all the thoughts I want to think.
Too short for the one walk I really want to make (with Kathy).
Too short for all the "thank yous" to all the people that help make this world an exciting and beautiful place for Kathy and I.
It's not really a resolution (NOBODY likes those).
Clear intentions.
To get more out of each day.
Kathy has had a super fantastic time these last couple weeks,
with Aunt Tracy decorating our Christmas tree and making dinner,
Jessica making dinner, Guille making dinner, Kristi's wedding dinner...
Wait a minute, I sense a theme here.
I'm pretty sure there is more going on than just dinner!
The pain is still bad at times, but the time between bad is getting longer.
The girls (and Jerome, can't forget to acknowledge all the retirement time he has given to Kathy's days when we are all still working) have been truly timely, sensing when they are needed most.
Hey! Before you go thinking I was going to just breeze over Kristi's big day - What a fun night!
If you were there you know what I'm talking about!
What a way to bring in the new year!
It was crowded on the dance floor, but the partyers gave up space so I could carry Kathy to the floor.
It might've looked a bit awkward, with Kathy's legs dangling (I call it the "Pendulum Dance" or "Bell Ringers Delight").
With her boot on she can put a little weight on her right foot.
It helps that she is so little.
Not to take anything away from Sam & Kristi's night, it was so GREAT to be a part of it!
If they have what Kathy & I have, together, there is nothing that will be able to keep them down!
I would just like to say, in the year the world is predicted to end,
the future is looking brighter than the past!
Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?
In this new year I hope to find the days to be less short.
It seems the days are always too short for all the thoughts I want to think.
Too short for the one walk I really want to make (with Kathy).
Too short for all the "thank yous" to all the people that help make this world an exciting and beautiful place for Kathy and I.
It's not really a resolution (NOBODY likes those).
Clear intentions.
To get more out of each day.
Kathy has had a super fantastic time these last couple weeks,
with Aunt Tracy decorating our Christmas tree and making dinner,
Jessica making dinner, Guille making dinner, Kristi's wedding dinner...
Wait a minute, I sense a theme here.
I'm pretty sure there is more going on than just dinner!
The pain is still bad at times, but the time between bad is getting longer.
The girls (and Jerome, can't forget to acknowledge all the retirement time he has given to Kathy's days when we are all still working) have been truly timely, sensing when they are needed most.
Hey! Before you go thinking I was going to just breeze over Kristi's big day - What a fun night!
If you were there you know what I'm talking about!
What a way to bring in the new year!
It was crowded on the dance floor, but the partyers gave up space so I could carry Kathy to the floor.
It might've looked a bit awkward, with Kathy's legs dangling (I call it the "Pendulum Dance" or "Bell Ringers Delight").
With her boot on she can put a little weight on her right foot.
It helps that she is so little.
Not to take anything away from Sam & Kristi's night, it was so GREAT to be a part of it!
If they have what Kathy & I have, together, there is nothing that will be able to keep them down!
I would just like to say, in the year the world is predicted to end,
the future is looking brighter than the past!
Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?
Friday, December 30, 2011
riding the waves
When things are bad.
When she doesn't want to be cheered up...
I don't just give in to Kathy's mood.
Instead I try to say or do something that tickles her, slightly, unexpectedly.
The corners of her mouth turn up and she raises her eyes to mine.
It's a little victory.
That is, until Kathy notices me noticing, then the mood that doesn't want to go away comes back,
and still I smile inside.
If this was an attitude without cause, an ignorant anger,
I would be less tolerant.
If I didn't care to make things better.
If this was another case of someone being wrong in their behavior.
At my best I can regard the shortcomings of others with polite incredulity.
This thing with Kathy is different.
Any doubts that you may have, would be erased if you saw the fact finding mission she undertook to see where her pain level is at without the pain meds masking it.
I'll tell you what, this is one tough girl.
To endure this, to know it is not over, the uncertainty of what the future will bring...
I saw this thing happen to the girl of my dreams.
I am seeing the ripples, from the boulder that splashed our lives, continue to disturb our tranquility.
Big enough to prevent a smooth finish,
but not big enough to surf on.
When she doesn't want to be cheered up...
I don't just give in to Kathy's mood.
Instead I try to say or do something that tickles her, slightly, unexpectedly.
The corners of her mouth turn up and she raises her eyes to mine.
It's a little victory.
That is, until Kathy notices me noticing, then the mood that doesn't want to go away comes back,
and still I smile inside.
If this was an attitude without cause, an ignorant anger,
I would be less tolerant.
If I didn't care to make things better.
If this was another case of someone being wrong in their behavior.
At my best I can regard the shortcomings of others with polite incredulity.
This thing with Kathy is different.
Any doubts that you may have, would be erased if you saw the fact finding mission she undertook to see where her pain level is at without the pain meds masking it.
I'll tell you what, this is one tough girl.
To endure this, to know it is not over, the uncertainty of what the future will bring...
I saw this thing happen to the girl of my dreams.
I am seeing the ripples, from the boulder that splashed our lives, continue to disturb our tranquility.
Big enough to prevent a smooth finish,
but not big enough to surf on.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
determined to keep the sun
Depression is easier to cure than endure.
This is why I'm doing everything I can think of to show Kathy that this isn't going to define her.
It definitely isn't going to last forever!
Not like this.
Not on my watch.
I must admit though, that some days it feels like all the kings men are either lazy or union members.
Taking too many breaks.
Taking too long to put the pieces back together again.
The cost of waiting is too high some days and it is all we can do to distract Kathy until all is well.
While she waits, I am a robot.
Working to show Kathy that the plan was always to give her the option of staying home if she wants.
Jobs are flying through me like an assembly line, the inspiration for my focus is to prove to Kathy that things will be okay.
Better than okay, things will be great!
My customers have been loyal and are being rewarded for it.
I am setting things up to accomodate my eldest son, who is trained to be a service technician and returning from Afghanistan in February.
As I hire good qualified people, I will be able to spend more time at home with Kathy (or more time in the Bahamas with Kathy!).
One of my favorite things about Kathy is the way she experiences new things, like a child, full of trust and wonder.
When you get straight to the heart of the matter,
that is why I work so hard,
to be with Kathy and have the means to keep the wonder in her eyes.
This is why I'm doing everything I can think of to show Kathy that this isn't going to define her.
It definitely isn't going to last forever!
Not like this.
Not on my watch.
I must admit though, that some days it feels like all the kings men are either lazy or union members.
Taking too many breaks.
Taking too long to put the pieces back together again.
The cost of waiting is too high some days and it is all we can do to distract Kathy until all is well.
While she waits, I am a robot.
Working to show Kathy that the plan was always to give her the option of staying home if she wants.
Jobs are flying through me like an assembly line, the inspiration for my focus is to prove to Kathy that things will be okay.
Better than okay, things will be great!
My customers have been loyal and are being rewarded for it.
I am setting things up to accomodate my eldest son, who is trained to be a service technician and returning from Afghanistan in February.
As I hire good qualified people, I will be able to spend more time at home with Kathy (or more time in the Bahamas with Kathy!).
One of my favorite things about Kathy is the way she experiences new things, like a child, full of trust and wonder.
When you get straight to the heart of the matter,
that is why I work so hard,
to be with Kathy and have the means to keep the wonder in her eyes.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
a planless plan
It's already Christmas!
The house is asleep, but I'm still up waiting for the paint to dry.
Really, I really AM waiting for the paint to dry.
I should've been working on this two weeks ago!
I am finishing the refinishing touches on an antique safe I got for Kathy.
I'm making an eighty year old safe rust free and look more girly.
Cary, Buffalo NY, the company that made this safe was in business from 1878-1929.
It's not easy to make a block the size of a dishwasher that weighs 850 pounds (no joke) look cute.
Especially with the little time I've had available to work on it.
I had a different safe in mind originally, but wanted a safe that no one else has (like everyone has a safe!).
This one is a cartoon safe - like what gets dropped on Wile E. Coyote!
Except it's not black or rusty anymore.
So, while I'm staying up waiting to put a clear coat on, I thought I'd keep this blog from dying.
Speaking of dying, I already got my Christmas present when Kathy lived through that crash in October.
Has it only/already been 70 days since the accident?
So why a safe?
I like to keep Kathy guessing, but I hope she connects a bunch of symbolism when she sees it.
Your ridiculously corny alarm should be going off about now!!!
It's a place to keep things that are valuable to her - like my heart.
She's safe and protected.
Even though things are surprisingly heavy sometimes, we're solid - like 850 lbs of solid!
It's remarkable & impressive - like the girl who's getting it!
Besides, nobody else has a safe like this one!
I don't think Kathy can hate it, because it's such an unusual gift.
Alright, she CAN hate it, but I don't think she will.
Is that paint dry?
I'm rambling.
Gotta go.
Merry Christmas!
The house is asleep, but I'm still up waiting for the paint to dry.
Really, I really AM waiting for the paint to dry.
I should've been working on this two weeks ago!
I am finishing the refinishing touches on an antique safe I got for Kathy.
I'm making an eighty year old safe rust free and look more girly.
Cary, Buffalo NY, the company that made this safe was in business from 1878-1929.
It's not easy to make a block the size of a dishwasher that weighs 850 pounds (no joke) look cute.
Especially with the little time I've had available to work on it.
I had a different safe in mind originally, but wanted a safe that no one else has (like everyone has a safe!).
This one is a cartoon safe - like what gets dropped on Wile E. Coyote!
Except it's not black or rusty anymore.
So, while I'm staying up waiting to put a clear coat on, I thought I'd keep this blog from dying.
Speaking of dying, I already got my Christmas present when Kathy lived through that crash in October.
Has it only/already been 70 days since the accident?
So why a safe?
I like to keep Kathy guessing, but I hope she connects a bunch of symbolism when she sees it.
Your ridiculously corny alarm should be going off about now!!!
It's a place to keep things that are valuable to her - like my heart.
She's safe and protected.
Even though things are surprisingly heavy sometimes, we're solid - like 850 lbs of solid!
It's remarkable & impressive - like the girl who's getting it!
Besides, nobody else has a safe like this one!
I don't think Kathy can hate it, because it's such an unusual gift.
Alright, she CAN hate it, but I don't think she will.
Is that paint dry?
I'm rambling.
Gotta go.
Merry Christmas!
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